How to reframe your mindset for family travel success
Essential preparation strategies for any mode of transportation
Specific tips for air travel and car trips
How to handle meltdowns and public judgment
When things don’t go according to plan
When your carefully planned strategies aren't working, shift from strategy to connection. Ask yourself: "What does my child need right now?" rather than "How do I get back on track?"
Regulate before you relocate
Avoid the rush to escape unless safety requires it. Use your body to create a safe space by positioning yourself between your child and the crowd. Try the campfire rule: When a child is dysregulated, they are like a massively burning campfire. As Smokey Bear says, "Make sure your campfire is completely out before going to bed because even the slightest spark can reignite." The same goes for your child, make sure there is no spark left before moving on, or they’re just going to reignite.
Use co-regulation, not correction
Correction assumes your child is choosing the behavior. Instead, get "low and slow"—down to their level, speaking slowly in a soft, loving tone. Your “low and slow” script:
Understanding meltdown vs. tantrum
When we talk about children struggling during travel, it's important to distinguish between tantrums and meltdowns. Many parents assume all outbursts are tantrums and it’s understandable why. The behaviors can look similar. But during travel, neurodivergent children are dealing with sensory overload, disrupted routines, and constant unpredictability. What appears to be defiant or attention-seeking behavior is typically a nervous system in complete overwhelm.
A tantrum looks like:
A meltdown looks like:
A child who is in overwhelm does not have the capacity to calm and regulate themselves. Understanding this distinction helps us respond with compassion rather than correction. Even if you’re unsure whether what you’re seeing is a meltdown or a tantrum, the co-regulation, low and slow approach is always the safest starting point for neurodivergent children.
Handling public judgement and your own inner critic
When your child is struggling in public spaces, the weight of perceived judgment can feel crushing. That mental chatter starts: "Everyone thinks I'm a terrible parent," "They're all staring at us," "I should have this under control."
Here's an important truth: Parents of children with special needs face more judgment than other parents and are often blamed for their child's needs. This judgment carries real emotional weight—it's traumatic for many parents, making them scared to leave their safe spaces at home. But here's what matters: Focus on your child, not on others judging you. Your child is your focus. People can have their opinions, but you have your child.
Ready-made advocacy scripts
Having words prepared can be helpful in overwhelming moments:
A message of support for parents
Here's something that doesn't get said enough: It is completely okay if your family chooses not to travel, or if you decide to go to the same familiar place every time. Many families find what works—like that shore house you can control or staying within an hour of home—and there's wisdom in that choice.
Travel challenges don't come up much in therapy because most families simply avoid it rather than struggle through it. You're not failing if you choose the path that keeps your family regulated and happy.
The goal isn't to travel like other families. It's to make choices that honor your child's needs and your family's well being. Whether that means the same vacation rental every year, day trips only, or deciding travel isn't for your family right now—all of these are valid choices made by parents who know their children best.